10 Types of People Who Should “Like” Peaches’ Facebook Page
- Peach Growers. How many times have you walked through your orchard, perusing your latest crop of Red Havens or Flamin’ Furies, and thought to yourself, “You know what would be awesome? If there were some sort of super cool mascot for Peaches that could send folks subliminal messages convincing them that Peaches are the best kind of fruit!” Well, look no further peach farmers. We have a mascot that is simultaneously convincing people that peaches are the best kind of fruit, AND that pit bulls are super dogs, without anybody even realizing it!
- Cat Lovers. Rest assured feline fanatics, we are no longer fighting a war of the species. Inter-species love is what it’s all about, and there is no creature more capable of, more committed to demonstrating this than our cat-worshiping pit bull, Peaches. A perfect day for Peach would be visiting a cat colony, and then never leaving.
- Feminists. Peaches is a woman among men in our household, and she knows how to represent. Already spayed (no time for kids with a superhero career to think about, not to mention the current pet overpopulation problem), Peaches is a working woman who divides her time between community service work in healthcare and education facilities, and teaching the boys at home that women are a force to be reckoned with (i.e. don’t try to get a treat before I do because I’ll body slam you out of the way) and are most definitely the leaders of the 21st century (i.e. Peach maintains her own Facebook page while her brothers just play with squeaky toys).
- Environmentalists. Peaches is a lover of nature and has great respect for the flowers (because they smell good and match her collar), the birds (because she can’t catch them), and the bees (because they can spontaneously cause her to break out in hives). More importantly, earlier this spring she convinced her family that they should dig compost holes to bury her poop in, because environmentally-sound dog poop management just makes good sense.
- Dairy Farmers. Peaches eats LOTS of cheese. Tons. She does her best to stick to local Michigan dairy farmers, and she promises she’s never met a cow or goat she didn’t like. Mozzarella and sharp white cheddar are her favorite.
- Dog Toy Manufacturers. Peaches, along with her brother, Buster Brown, can systematically destroy any dog toy on the market in 5 minutes flat. This means big business for toy manufacturers, particularly those who produce rubber squeaker balls, and anything with a plastic squeaker inside of it.
- Language and Literacy Scholars. The language we use in our daily lives has a powerful impact on how we view the world, and on the beliefs, values, and actions that we engage in as we stumble, climb, and work our way through it. More importantly, language, and our capacity for successfully negotiating different types of information in different contexts (i.e. literacy) affects how other people act, think, and understand the world in relation to us. For example, we named Peaches, “Peaches.” We could have also named her Cujo, Jaws, Cinderella, or Sarah Palin. But chances are, you’d rather have your five-year old read her library book to a “Peaches” than you would to a “Cujo.”
- Fashion Designers and related professionals. Peaches is a true canine fashionista. She is truly thoughtful about her wardrobe selection and is never to be found without complimentary collar and harness wear. Sirius Republic and Softouch Concepts are currently her designers of choice, but she’s always doing her best to stay abreast of the latest trends and up-and-comers in the business.
- Nature’s Miracle and Earthbath Dog Shampoo Employees and the cleaning product industry in general. Peaches was a submissive peer for the first 18 months of her life. If she heard a loud noise, met a new dog . . . or a new cat, felt the wind blow, saw someone she was excited to meet, or had any other even remotely stimulating experience in life, she peed . . . often on furniture and quite frequently on herself as well. If you saw stock prices rise at your cleaning product company between September 2009 and January 2010, you can bet your life you have Peaches (aka Pee Pee Bear) to thank for it.
- People who need a hug. I don’t care who you are and how great your life is. Everybody needs a hug once in a while. And while hugging is typically a primate activity, I promise you there is simply no hug on the planet like that of the Peach. A visit to a psychologist or therapist can run you upwards of $150/session. Peaches doles out her therapy for free, and you don’t even have to talk about your feelings if you don’t want to.